Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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