Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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