I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
