never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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