Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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