the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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