my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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