He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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