she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
