if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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