VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
