found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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