I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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