so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
it glows. i had to have it.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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