I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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