i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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