help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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