3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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