Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize