i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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