I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Randomize
