Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
