I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
