Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
