I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
