Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
