If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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