Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
pray to the hookup gods
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize