The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize