watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
