I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize