Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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