I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Randomize
