so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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