they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I just had sex on a roof
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
