How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
