So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
