I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
