I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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