Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
