fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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