We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
