We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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