Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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