I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
