conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
