I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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