if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Randomize
