So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
