People in love make me want to vomit
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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