Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.â€
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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