y did u give ur computer a hand job?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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