I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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