I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
