What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize
