I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
