The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
is that a dick in a sweater?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
