I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Randomize
