The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
