Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Randomize
