That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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