Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
