You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
