dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Girls should come with a carfax report
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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