I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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