my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
