You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
