All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
