I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
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