The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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