Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
