ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
