In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
