im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
