yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
