I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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